B is for Stealing

[Episode #15: Yes You Can is here ] Episode #16: The Problem with Yoga Class Instructor: Are you aligning your Chakras? Guy: Sigh, I’d like to. Instructor: What’s wrong? Guy: That girl’s downward dog is disturbing my lotus.

[Episode #14: Metal farts is here ] Episode #15: Yes You Can *In a clothing store Guy: (sigh) I’m thinking of entering politics Girl: You like this dress? Guy: … yes. Girl: You’ll fit in well in politics.

[Episode #13: I've got no POWAH is here ] Episode #14:   Metal Farts Me: I think I’ll be a vegetarian. Friend: Because it’s the ethical thing to do? Me: Naw. I find my farts are too metallic when I eat meat. Friend: …

[ Episode #12: The Village People is here ] Episode #13: I’ve got no POWAH! *whilst in traffic Me: I will levitate this taxi out of traffic. Me: I will telepathically guide this driver out of traffic. Me: I will clear a path out of this traffic. Me: I will play Snake Xenxia on my phone for the next two hours…

[Episode #11: Stupid is a Virtue is here ] Episode #12: The Village People * 5:45 am. The kettle is whistling. I’m in the bath. Me (in sing song voice): The water’s boiling… Mom (lil groggy): Yeah. Me (in sing song voice): IN THE NAVY! Mom: Oh shut up!

[Episode #10: While singing religious songs is here ] Episode #11: Stupid is a Virtue Motivational Speaker: It takes STRENGTH…. to walk away from the things you want. Guy in audience: That sounds stupid! Motivational Speaker: That’s what I said, it takes stupid. Guy in audience: … ?

[Episode #9: Smille & Lather is here ] Episode #10: While singing religious songs Theist Guy: Father Abraham, had many sons. Theist Guy: Had many sons had Father Abraham. Theist Guy: And I am one of them and so are you. Theist Guy: So let’s just, Scobby D - …  wait, what now?

[The WORD STRIP EXTRA! is here ] Episode #9: Smile & Lather Me: Sometimes I smile when I lather. Me: Like those soap commercials. Me: Lather, lather lather; Smile, smile, smile Me: I hate smiling.

[Episode #8: While listening to lady saw is here ] WORD STRIP EXTRA: The STAR PARTY * things heard at the CARINA STAR PARTY Random Guy #1: (running round in boxers) I LIKE MAN! Random Guy #2: (in response): THIS IS DISRESPECTFUL. SHUT UP! Random Guy #3: Aye girl, yuh wha see stars? All I need is five minutes. Me: BEER!

[Episode #7: STATEFARM is here ] Episode #8: While listening to Lady Saw Me: No man can break my stride. No fool can’t hold me down. Oh no! this hot gyal will be leaving. Mind: But you’re a guy. Me: Oh... this hot guy will be leaving! Mind: Stop spoiling the song!

[Episode #6: Cosmic Translations cont'd is here ] Episode #7: STATEFARM *while watching tv with mom. Mom: Hey gimme some juice nuh. Me: Like a good neighbour, STATEFARM is there. Mom: ... Me: I’ll go get the juice.

[Episode #5: Cosmic Translation is here ] Episode #6: Cosmic Translations cont’d What you say: Why yes, I DO believe in God. What they hear: Fairy Dust! EVERYWHERE, FAIRY DUST! What you say: I’m an atheist. What they hear: Occasionally I sacrifice virgins.

[Episode #4: Star of Wonder is here ] Episode #5: Cosmic Translation What you say: I think I like boys. What they hear: I wanna sleep with a horse. What you say: Well, actually I may be bi-sexual What they hear: Mmmm. Horse.

[Episode # 3: Just Do It is here ] Episode #4: Star of Wonder Me: I have a hankering to stand under the night sky with two bowls in my hand and shout: “STAR OF WONDER! STAR OF LIGHT!” My friend: … Me: At least until an asteroid comes… Or superpowers. I’m not complaining. My friend: You’re gay.

[Episode #2: WHY I'm not married is here ] Episode #3 : Just Do It Me at 6 am: I will get some work done today!!! Me at 9 am: Please, I could write this in fifteen minutes. Let me update this status first. Me at 1 pm: Hahaha. Tina’s so funny. Crap! It’s 1 pm. Me at 6pm: This day was shitty.