B is for Stealing

[Season 2 Episode 12: Greetings, Friends! is here ] Episode #13: [Please oh please] Don’t drink the water Kid A: There you are, Soymilk! My estrogen-mimicking friend! The Director: Well that explains why you like boys… Kid A: So… What’s your excuse? The Director: Is the Water. South water lil fruity!

[Season 2's BONUS Things I'd Like To Do is here ] Episode #12: Greetings, Friends! * sometimes heard as I enter my home Me [loud]: Aye Muddah! Mom [loud]: Yeah boy Faddah! Me [loud]: Waz d scene dey boy muddah! Mom: … sigh... people must know you home eh. *returns to whatever she’s doing*

[Season 2 Episode 11: Positive Thinking is here ] BONUS: Things I’d like to do… One: Stand at the top of my apartment building with this Mac and scream: "HEAR OH ISRAEL!"  aaaaand Pelt. Two: Stand at the top of my apartment building… with a crossbow… at 2am… Three: Do a dance sequence to Age of Aquarius. Multiple characters. All me. Four: This one human… in band camp.

[Season 2 Episode 10: Rap Music is here ] Episode #11: Positive Thinking Monk: When life gives you lemons, learn to play cricket. Monk: The glass is neither half full nor half empty. It is stupid looking. Monk: This too shall pass… or else run it over with your karma. Monk: Do unto others. Actually, just… DO others.

[Season 2 Episode 9: STAHP Music STAHP! is here ] Episode #10: Rap Music Me: Rap Music has TOTALLY ruined me. You: Why? Because it’s vacuous and a portal of self loathing and misogynistic nonsense?! Me: Yeah that too. I just find I can’t make ah omelet without singing “I beat it, beat it up, up, up, up…” You: … 

[Season 2 Episode 8: Corny Jokes Need Salt is here ] Episode #9: STAHP Music STAHP! *Before Rihanna Friend: Hey, sign this card for Kris nuh. It’s her birthday. *After After Rihanna: Friend: Come and put your name on it. Your name on it. Come and put your name on it. *Before Serani Friend: Yuh see me, I goin’ an pee. *After Serani: Friend: Skip to ma loo. Yeah, skip to my loo. Skip to my loooooooooooo. Skip to my loo.

[Season 2 Episode 7: Bane Wisdom is here ] Episode #8: Corny Jokes Need Salt Guy A: Hey, you know what we call a puppy’s mother? DOGMA! Guy B: Hoss… Guy A: Eh, watch this, watch this: You know what we call a bright rasta man? Illumi-NATTY! Guy B: Oh gosh, dead nah!

[Season 2 Episode 6: Words with Friends is here ] Episode #7: Bane Wisdom *At a party: Bouncer: So you got caught. What’s the NEXT part of your master plan? Me (bane voice): Crashing this party… *At the office Creative: Nah, bun dat! Time to bug out of this place! Me (bane’s voice): No brother! They expect  to find one of us in the Creative Department

[ Season 2 Episode 5: The Reunion is here ] Episode #6: Words with Friends Friend One: Great! Just absolutely great! Friend Two: What’s your problem? Now I mean. Friend One: My new... flirtation device. He’s eighteen. Jeez! How did I get here? Friend Two: Well… If you can’t find a good man... raise one :/

[Season 2 Episode 4: Living in Wonderland is here ] Episode #5: The Reunion * At a party Guy: Wow. You really grew up. You look… you look great. Girl: Thanks. It’s the breasts. How’ve you been? Guy [introspective chuckle]: Sigh. Oh, you know me. I’m still a dick. Girl: Wow, that must suck. 

[Season 2 Episode #3: Let's Blame Stargate is here ] Episode #4: Living in Wonderland Mom: And could you bring me a cookie and a snack? Me: "A" cookie? Mom: Okay, bring two  "A COOKIE" and a snack. Me: ….

[Season 2 Episode #2: Sing out Loud is here ] Episode #3: Let’s Blame Stargate Mom: Tracy could you (some command veiled as a request)? Me (in deep voice): You are not, Goa'uld? Mom (loud eh): No, I’s Jaffa. Me: … 

[Season 2, Episode #1: Phone Talk is here ] Episode #2:   Sing out Loud My lyrics: Don’t make me cry, Wonder Woman. I don’t want to hurt anymore. Whitney’s Lyrics: Don’t make me close one-a more door. I don’t want to hurt anymore. My lyrics: Death to the schemey characters. Death to the schemey characters. Garnet Silk’s Lyrics: Christ in His Kingly Character. Christ in His Kingly Character.

[The Season #1 Finale: The Problem with Yoga Class is here ] Episode #1:   Phone Talk Phone: Your account is low. Me: Tell me something I don’t know. Phone: You’re pretty funny looking. Me: Thanks phone.