Thursday, November 4, 2010

B is for Hangups

i stared at the credit union statement. 
i stared at it hard.
i eventually stared past it and into space as i considered picking up the phone and calling them to withdraw money. 
my money.
ha ha.


i would get it. that's not a problem.
the problem was the [perceived] embarrassment that i would feel to have to call and let people know my business.
...
he says as he puts it on the blog.
...
[sigh] the heaviness
i look at the credit union statement.
i know this has little to do with the union and much to do with my hangups about things.

hangups. these pesky prickly monkeys that dance on your shoulder blade
or maybe your collar bone
hangups...
makes me wonder the validity of my actions. 
like... like when she wanted to come over. she wanted to hang out and then...
come over.
and because of certain hangups, we never did.
almost lost her that night.
not that it mattered in hindsight since i lost her anyways
or... whatever.
hangups - we confuse them with morals or
[my personal favorite]
our code.
fun fact: people generally don't care about your "code"
most days anyways.
like someone's really going to turn up their nose and say "nyeh, there he is, dipping into HIS savings"
really?
like she really would've cared if i just told her the truth et al 
instead of disguising it as "a thing", "a code"
a pack ah ass.
...
excuse me while i make a call.
pax

2 comments:

  1. Well said my friend :-).

    code aka pride, sometimes we have to swallow it to live. And that's what we were put here to do. :-D live, there are enough monkeys in the world as it is, we don't need any on our backs ;-).

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