I die a thousand times a day. not from cowardice but rather, projection. I think if the concept of an alternate reality or rather multiple realities exist, then I am in fact a dead man; I have fallen off cliffs and veered off stairs; elevators have crashed with me in it; I beat up villains and die; I died of colds and viruses; the pain in my head mutated; etcetera. My personal “favorite” is this recurring thought of having a blackbird fly right into my temple lobe. Herby making my distrust of these birds even more pronounced.
My latest death happened while I was en route to the office. The taxi I was in was situated behind a prison van. A little girl needed to cross the road and maneuvered her way between my retard of a taxi-driver and said prison van. Almost instantly the following scene played out: the van [which obviously wasn’t closed properly] burst open, criminals escape, threaten to hold the little child hostage, I jump out of my taxi and convince them to take me instead. I do not remember what happened next but the feeling of pain and emptiness I felt tells me that I died.
Projection. It’s why I get angry at hypothetical arguments, it is why I see myself destroying people with coins [don’t ask how], it is why…. A lot of things.
Bottom-line is, multiple Tracy is in a pretty wrecked state because of the actions [is thought an action?] of Tracy Prime.
I feel each one. I feel each death, each argument, each consequence. I know their lies and their lives. HOLD THE PHONE! It’s really not as scary as it sounds. I’m a writer – I’m prone to be melodramatic. But seriously folks, I’m trying to align my thoughts right especially in these days where if I (Tracy Prime) really give in to the default setting (villain) then what hope to the rest of me have? I need to go back the days of priesthood. But I suspect that even then, it was left of weird.
Actually IT WAS! iChuckle.
I wonder if there’s a blur between worlds?
If the feelings I feel come from Other Me (suddenly I laugh – if you saw Scott Pilgrim and you remember “Other Scott” you’d know why) then they need help. And to leave me the heck alone.
What’s the point here? None. At least…. None here. But somewhere I have figure out the solution and am living my most optimum life. Somewhere… like next week.
Tracy j Hutchings