Friday, February 25, 2011

B is for Dress Sense (or shaddup and love yuh tight pants)

I love how society (and by extension the gate keepers of paradise) flinches every time dress sense spits and sputters a new design aesthetic. Shock, awe… OUTRAGE erupts. Next comes the obvious branding exercise; the need to link everything to evil. Not to say there isn’t evil in the world (more on that later) but why, quite WHY must the first association be change = evil, when change is part of the human process?

First we ran naked, then came fig leaves (actually they were "garments of skin for Adam and his wife" - Genesis 3:21 - how we get fig leaves i eh know), then came the seasons of skirts and robes. For men eh. Then dress sense pushed forward into full blown pants, giving men the opportunity to declare that he who wears the pants rules the world. A woman was no longer a woman (Was she ever? No body knows) but a skirt (hey watch that show with those dudes from the 60’s ad firm). Great…

Then after spit and sputters, dress sense pushed again, leading us to…. Black culture, which “subverted” the main stream [once more] and baggy pants became the new scourge of civilized society.

Baggy pants meant gangster [gangSTAR?] and hooliganism… and rap. Evil ting nah.

Then dress sense returned to the more uncomplicated logic. Straight cut with more form fitting design. And before you say men don’t care about their form, consider that’s like saying “bathing is gay”.

The same proponents of the anti-hooliganism of baggies are now willing to [at least] grin and hear it out in order to clamp down on the tight pants nation. Why? Because boys in form fitting pants are playing into the gay agenda.

Never mind gay has been around since men were wearing robes and skirts… but hey (as some will argue) see, the line between male and female is blurring more by the day. I find it amusing that a man or woman can be defined merely by such physicalities [new word] as body type and appropriating jeans.
“Hey, I haven’t seen my kid in years but I’m a MAN cause I wear slacks.” Classic.

So to review, tight pants is a sign that you are IN FACT turning into a godless sodomite because change = evil. It is not the last thought in a series of [well thought out] thoughts, it is THE ONLY THOUGHT.

Now as a Theist, I will admit to you that given the fact that my immortal enemy is the devil and given that he has a way of infiltrating all of life, theists tend to be vigilant about everything. As the… lights on the runway [so to speak], every self respecting theist will do their darnedest to warn/avert/stave off a pending danger by explaining to whomsoever will listen that YES, the devil is in the details.

I will also say that I grow weary of “seeing” a devil behind every window and thus my stance. But really, have we – the gate keepers to paradise – have no other gripe but to collectively scream at PANTS?

Personally, I think women should protest that like Madonna says, “you think being a girl is degrading”…

Perhaps the real funny part is, the gays are off doing manly things like… parasailing and probably have no time to care for this stage in dress sense evolution. I passed the baggy stage. Not my style. And I never really fit this male scene anyways. I don’t play sports; I don’t do gruff and I read. But I do have a nice slim fitting jeans though. Or rather, had. Daddy needs new jeans. Gasp. 

(me on my twenty-first birthday. i looked like a cross between a brown bear and kenny from south park with the hood up. i now wear the pants as a pajama bottom....)

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