Friday, February 18, 2011

B is for Vengeance

On the night of my birthday i was at home instead of at the stadium where i was SUPPOSED to be to see Far East Movement and Maroon 5. I won't go into much details but today as i stood in the office making me a cup of Lipton and listening to Like a G6 it hits me how MUCH the actions of others affect what happens to you. 

i am pissed. it have finally dawned on me that i missed FAR EAST MOVEMENT AND MAROON 5.
i told a friend of mine that i'm not too worried since i planned to travel, so i could just link Maroon's website and voila! fly to their next concert. who am i kidding....

i ended the year in debt because the things that were SUPPOSED to be coming through, didn't - typical third world business ethic.

i watched my mother move in physical pain and emotion pain because once again we have been taken advantaged of. By family, By stupid people, By the contractor who took a year and a spear and a few threats before he brought the kitchen cupboards i STUPIDLY paid for up front. i know, i know IT WAS... STUPID. i trusted people to have ethics. 

a vehement loathing rises against my own people...theists with their rhetoric. think! is it too hard to ask people to think... for a change. to postulate a theory EVEN IF YOU''RE WRONG which clearly i must be.
And let's not start on the people... these gate keepers of Paradise who have gossiped and maliciously reviled my loved ones and NOTHING appears to go wrong with them. Makes me wonder about... Him.

And then there's me. I will be the first to admit that some of the shite in my life is my own doing. but there are things that i don't understand or get anymore. i am NOT nor was i EVER a normal child. my reward for being bright, maybe a lil arrogant is more pain and this sense of alone....ness. thank you!

the girls i wanted = that didn't happen. ok that's trivial and i let it pass [love = battlestar],
the personal growth i thought i was experiencing was all for nought and on top of that I DIDN'T GET TO GO TO MAROON 5! i had... the tickets.... VIP PLATINUM tickets.... 

and then there's my father. but this already too long. 

i want vengeance. ok, i get it. i'm a sinner. i suck. fine.... I... want... vengeance. i want to see people in pain as i have been. i want the people who have wronged us to feel their worlds pull away from them. 

ah but who am i kidding? I'm a Christian. "this too shall pass" right? and once again, i'll revert to the 29 years of Theism and forgive their collective asses. i'll breathe and ask God to forgive me for being this way. and i'll move on. cause that's what we do. Hutchings are fighters. we gripe for a moment, then fight back/lift our heads and move forward. but i want vengeance....

because some things are greater than love. vengeance is one of them.

grief! i need a sabbatical...

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