Friday, May 27, 2011

B is for Whatever

My mother’s back is hurting her again. Her spine is -as I call these things – a heights case (a running joke). I know of her fall. I know of the pinched nerve. I know that there is a possibility that there is serious inflammation going on in there. I also know that seeing her in pain reminds me once more of the little bitch I have grown to hate because she too has a back problem.

Four years yuh know…
Four years I believed in that little twollop.
All things really are relative – as in related.

THIS is the part where I’m to get down into fasting and seek an answer that will explain why we are in a perpetual stream of stress [“if it ain’t one thing, it’s another”]; THIS is the part where I say “the devil is a liar and I shall overcome because HIS rod and his staff comforts me” or “no weapon formed against us shall prosper…” and all the affirmations I can think off… but... no. I feel nothing. Nothing good anyways. I’m angry. Anger is a feeling. I’m tired of seeing her in this never-ending pain. Tired is a feeling. Actually tired is a state. And according to Mac Book, what I could be really feeling is weary (It implies not only a depletion of energy but also the vexation that accompanies having to put up with something that is, or has become, disagreeable.)

This comes at the right time. When my thoughts are already piled YA HIGH as I ponder the merits of everything and everyone.

Whatever yes. As someone I know rightfully says – if God like it so, I have to like it better. But somehow I thought, that with all my flaws and shenanigans, I would have a space and a peace that WOULD pass all understanding. Of course, one can say that with all good things you have to work at it – PURSUE IT! Perhaps you are right and I admit I can be lazy. But see, RIGHT THERE is the ultimate heights case. We have to pursue all good (or God) things, seek, trod through, FIGHT, push and all that jazz, and everything evil and untoward just comes and sits right where you are. Too funny; but as this title says, “whatever yes, whatever”.

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