There are people who go on vacation. I take days off. This time though it’s a little bit of a difference or so I tell myself as I embark on an 8 Day Detox in order to… I don’t know what for certain.
Now one can say that only rich starlets who shave their heads go on detox sessions. I say, “you eh know me or wha?!”, but seriously I have felt this feeling for some time now – that I need to regroup and fast before… I don’t know what for certain.
Yesterday (Wednesday) was Day One – and in true detox style, I spent the greater part of the day acclimatizing to these [old] new surroundings. My body was in pain. I felt nauseated; my eyes hurt and my… innards felt like a storm waiting to happen. If I had powers of any real kind I would say that the darth weather we had today is a manifestation of the way I’ve been feeling inside, which is… I don’t know what for certain.
My phone is on silent. I could shut it off completely but I fear that will lead to the temptation to flip and see what’s going on. Besides, A). my friends extend beyond the reach of the office and B). just because it’s on doesn’t mean I have to answer it. And oh what luck! Apparently life CAN GO ON WITHOUT ME. I suspect it is a little more quiet and more straight laced without me in it but LOOK IT! people can carry on without the sight of my narrow arse. It’s amazing. Incredible even.
Day Two of this detox saw me (first of all) going to sleep at some ridiculous hour after hiding myself behind Harvey Kneeslapper skits from Sesame Street (youtube it – “Harvey Kneeslapper”); next I woke up, turned on the light and spent a relatively insignificant amount of time in meditation. Gospel music, some Bible reading and generally saying thanks. I didn’t have to rush off this morning. I didn’t have a maxi to catch. I DID [however] have a small documentary to finish up, instead I opted for Dead Like Me. I can’t believe I never followed this show! It’s great!
I should finish the edit. It’s just audio now. I have a commitment to it. I also have a commitment to my friend’s benefit concert this weekend where I’m performing (see more here). For a brief moment I wonder, how the hell did I get here? What every body else wants is given with a quick yes and general worry on my part (Can’t disappoint! People are counting on me! Can’t disappoint), yet my own projects are either half done or else not started at all. There are ridiculous reasons why this is the case (both internal & external) but how long before good nature turns to abject resentment of where I am in the world? Thus the detox.
I remember – when I was in my very early 20’s – my good friend, a well known producer, spoke to me about a project. He had just signed on this young reggae artiste and had created a “riddem” that he wanted me to record some poetry on. … I never took it up. Fear of what people would think; Fear of the fact that I’m in church and that particular song… did I want to be associated with that? Now poetry or else spoken word is getting some level of respect and I just laugh at my stupidity. It was an opportunity, never to return.
…
Ten years in advertising; two agencies; one temperament. I’ve met the work aholics, the lazy bastards, the I-doh-care folks and the sacrifice-personal-life-for-the-good-of-a-client-who-may-not-appreciate-said-sacrifice people. And then there’s those you just want to slap. As my intelligence [or perhaps arrogance] grows, the more I want to slap them for not thinking. Or else, maybe I think too much. It’s possible.
Maybe I should find a woman. There are those existing in the world after all. I’m 29 – I’m allowed at least ONE WOMAN right?
The bottom line is, the continuing search for wholeness – a concept that I thought I had attained – means… I don’t know what for certain. (or else it’s there and I’m being daft)
8 Day Detox… wonder what Day Three will be like.
Pax
"Fear of the fact that I’m in church"
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