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B is for Can't

i won't be long. i simply shan't. but while i'm here, let me say this: 
i am convinced that the word "can't" was placed in the human idiom as an escape strategy or clause.
it is the ultimate vindication for laziness; it is the premier validation for impeding your mind's growth.
i used to say "can't" when i thought it was harmless. i didn't think it out loud but my actions approved that message. i can't draw. i can't play music. i can't stoop and roll in P.E. Class. i can't... period.
then i realised, really what it was was I WON'T. I WON'T put my heart back on the market to be devalued. I WON'T take the time to hone in my skills and learn the damn piano. I WON'T. because honestly, "iCan't" is really a person saying "i refuse to get out of my comfort zone because that looks scary" and realistically, it probably is. nevertheless, the truly scary thing is living in a state of contentment that only "can't" can give. if i live in "iCan't cook" - should i muck up a meal - that will be my fall guy instead of saying "that sucked. but next time... it'll be better."

when i think about the things i haven't mastered yet [yet!] sometimes it gets me down and let me tell you, self pity often tastes like foot :-) but if i tell my self [as i often do when it comes to my drawings]: "i haven't fully accessed that part of my brain that knows how to do X task", then it leaves me space and the responsibility TO GET TO IT. iCan't is not a word. Can't is not a word. Cannot is not a word either.

not when you have the capacity for so much more. 

tracy j h


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