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B is for Tone Deaf Crabs

cough cough cough cough cough...c

my chest is raw and when i breathe i can feel the metal in my back pushing against my internal body. internal body [sic]. i feel that needs resuscitation too. i'm not the same anymore. but then i should be glad. for same to me is normal and normal is blah so why would i want to be blah... BLAH! useless mindless thought!

cough cough COUGH!

God! i need a release. i need... a girlfriend.
maybe i should call my non existent girlfriend and say "hey, u wanna be my girlfriend. i promise my weak sense of morality won't get in the way this time. i promise i'll be sooooooo super honest. pretty...? please....?"

cough cough cough co- COUGH!

tone dead crabs runs impatiently across my mind. i got to pee. really, i should pee. but that implies getting up. why bother? soon i'll cough and cough and COUGH! oh look. problem solved.

clack! clack! clack!
tne deaf crabs clack off key. i should stop now. i still want to pee. i still want to know...
why do i hate blackbirds so? i literally see them flying into my head and i'm filled with paralytic fear. quite like when i see people.

"i see dead people." - actually i see muggings and robberies and crime and COUGH! corruption.
excuse me.

excuse me.
got to me.
pee on dem
dem tone deaf crabs, running impatiently on me.
jeez - i should get checked out. i want my teddy. and a pillow. and mucinex to kill this... this.. this...
AH CHOO! great... this is new.


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--> I first felt it in the shower. Nostalgia. Creeping up my leg and resting on my shoulder. Bony fingers caresses in that sickeningly sweet way nostalgia often does. It was the end of September or the beginning of October... That night in the shower when I remembered an old October, reading poetry at a wine factory; with sandwiches as big as your face. And I remembered two tables. Friends and a girl. And it was October. The sealing of fate. 2008.
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