B is for Stealing

yeah so i just came out of a meeting while in there... i doodled.... and this is what transpired if you're in advertising - you know this madness. sigh. i really need to just... immerse my self in drawing

escapism. my world is crafted with layers upon layers of thinly sliced sheets of escapism. of course, the truth is i can still see outside, even if it has become a lil.... fuzzy. filo dough. that's what it is, sheets of filo, covering my face. i have things to do, things to get done. not for anybody but for me. half way through it. and that's it. so instead, to keep me from going completely over the loopy edge i created Half Dead Cadavers. a band i wanted to have from since 2001 or before. but what i do is for mere comic relief but still... it is in fact a darn distraction. a needed one i tell myself. what with the chaos i feel. at times i could channel it into good, but maybe i've been fooling myself.  neighbours who make no sense, colleagues that need help [psychological], friends who aren't.... not to say that i don't have the trusted few. they rock. ... ...  it's a distraction is what it is. the whole lot of things. the fake music. the real music, the eve...

for every ounce of eloquence i bleed, the truth is usually more raw and to the point. this is a problem. because truthfully, i am not one to say AYE! YOU! YUH DUMB JACKASS. in fact my family line is known have the gift of tongue and before we interpret that to mean ... whatever... i mean we're liable to say things in a more eloquent, educated manner that most often than not , leave people wishing we had just said F-U. compounded by the fact that i claim to be a Theist. a Christian Theist. forgive us our trespasses is my mantra... for every ounce of eloquence i bleed, the truth is usually more raw and to the point. i am a toter. my friend pointed out to me this morning as i explained to her that often times i find it hard to truly forgive people. here's what REALLY HAPPENS. i get annoyed. i get really angry. i subside. i... "let it go". and then two weeks later (or a month or three months or HOWEVER LONG) i remember in passing - just a passing thought about what was d...

Half Dead Cadavers Returns with a new song - "Kill The Fishes" , written and produced by lead singer Tré Bien and rapper dude extraordinaire The Underground.  The Boys have been planning to do a collaboration for some time now but to no avail... till now! Speaking candidly with B is for Stealing Radio's own - Poly Peptide (the English Muffin) - the boys explain the meaning behind their slamming new song . pax

Maybe it’s because every thing is depressing or else along that road but today it hurt me to realize how ridiculously finite and altogether limiting being mortal really is. I was stumbling across words in my mind when I came across this phrase “I was there when history was being written”. How lovely that phrase was. How eternal. It dawns on me that all the angels, all the demons, most of the spirits… ALL OF THESE BEINGS have been watching humanity through every stage of progression or rather REGRESSION. There are beings out there who had a first class/front row seat to every social apocalypse, ever rise and fall of kingdom… every thing. You know, you read about this kind of things in the comics. They’re called Watchers (or Observers if you watch FRINGE), people who observe history but do not intervene. Of course if you DO believe in the existence of angels and demons and spirits of all sorts, you know FULLY WELL that they do intervene because they have their assignments from above… ...

There was a time I believed in prayer. I remain Theist. But I wonder if I’m a hypocrite in my resolve or rather, lack thereof. Because as I look at someone I care deeply for (and I can tell you that group is populated by a mere few persons) I have to say… truthfully… “my prayers are not being answered.” This is not selfish prayer either. I have been asking that they find peace, that happiness be spread on their hearts [and face] like soft spread butter. And if it’s not to much to ask, some righteous retribution on their enemies. I want to see them happy. This is my prayer. My prayers… are NOT… answered. This then has led me to the belief that I need to adopt a more practical approach. Practical? Isn’t prayer… practical? I can hear my Theist friends shout a resounding YES ! I can hear my Non-Theist friends shout a resounding NO ! Prayer moves mountains. But then apparently so does water. Just ask Japan who can surely attest to that right now. What happened to prayer, Theists? When ...

This morning i went to buy bus tickets. I had an extra $6 sleeping snugly in my shirt pocket. There was a man, a scruffy, dirty looking man hovering round the ticket booth. Most ignored him; one dude pretty much shoo'd him off I looked at this dude - he was shaking a little and he was gulping slightly. You have to LOOK at this man to know that he really was not having the best morning What with being homeless and all.... I kept feeling like i wanted to give him the $6 LIKE THAT COULD DO SOMETHING.  I didn't of course. I bought my tickets, moved on. And though i didn't think it, it dawns on me, "it's so easy to say 'he probably going an but drugs'" But see i know that look I've been hungry And while i've never been destitute as he was I've been... hungry And what i felt was compassion And then as i walked away - ANGER Pure. Unbridled. Anger. and i shouted [or else spoke very loudly]: COMPASSION DOES NOTHING! Compassion does... nothing! Em...

For as long as I chose to remember, I seem to have a knack for trading the spirits of my friends with my own. This is not as supernatural as it sounds or maybe it is; I don’t watch that tv show. But seriously folks, it’s something I’ve been noticing for a while and only tonight I truly see it. A few years ago, one of my friends was angry, filled with rage. He would speak to me and I would pray and speak calmly and try to get him to see a different side of things. One time I got him to meditate to Buddha bar music. Well ok, maybe not meditate but close his eyes and deep breathe. Over the course of time, he grew calmer and I grew angrier. One time my Hindu friend and I were talking religion and philosophy. I became enraptured by the culture while he started looking into the Bible more. Now, of course this could mean nothing. A simple coincidence of sorts. I suspect one can even say that that’s the price of close friendships – you rub off on each other. If so, I guess I can call my qu...

Filling an ipod with sounds That cannot Be heard Too Clearly. It gets lost in the throng of thongs and misguided dreams It gets hustled and hurried by a swift sound and a honking car Yet it fights It fights hard and long to keep up its own song The mind will act as its own receiver Raising its volume so that the listener can hear So that the listener can be pleased Is it all in vain? The simply profound sounds of the sound, filled in an ipod Lost All because The external will not silence And the internal will not zone out. Is it all in vain? And dare I ask… Who’s fault is it anyways? The ipod, limited voice, desperately raised in the ear of man Or the programmer, who continues to place such soft sweet tones Added combat in a jungle concrete… Selection Tracy j H 08:03:11

There isn’t any. Or like wise old Solomon said, “meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless” I realize I have a problem with letting go. I admit that. A lot of things from times past still rile me up which is testament to the previous statement. Like tonight, I’m having dinner and whether it is because she crossed my mind or some other beguiling reason, I had something of a light-bulb moment: I was the in-betweener. I was the bridge that gave her safe passage from crappy long term relationship to whatever joy found path she is to walk on. Of course NO ONE gave me the memo so my heart is still locked into this room with questions painted on every wall. Why wasn’t I given a real chance? Or rather, why don’t I feel like I was given a fighting chance? What could I have done differently? How STUPID could I have been [a simpleton could see…] I had my hang-ups; things that I thought, if I told her it could wreck us. These were not big things in retrospect but rather Pride things...

Now I admit, I am a bit of a sensationalist so when I share this on faceboys, I’ll probably pull out a line that’s slap worthy. But if you came here to see some random Theist bashing I’m sorry about that. Some of them… MOST of them are a little weird in their overall thinking but they are after all my people. I just want them to think; to question; to make a hypothesis and be prepared to be wrong about it instead of this finger wagging all consuming attribute we tend to have. The goal of course is to be more like God and to change lives for the best. How can you change lives if yours isn’t. and while “faith comes from hearing…” * there is really no reason to shun thinking. Medicine, Science, Art, Literature, Entertainment…every branch of life is prepared to be wrong, Theists by virtue of our interpretation of faith simply refuse to be. When the evidence suggests otherwise. The earth is not flat and the sun does not revolve around the earth; steel pan and the electric guitars are not d...

Every day I find myself questioning the logics I have lived in, swam in and even drank from. Today… it is marriage. One of my friend who can safely be described as a bright light, a… star’s fire so to speak posted a gift she received from the love of her life. She explained to me that she would wear it for the rest of her life and I believe her [iChuckle]. But more than that, I thought to myself “that takes commitment”. Commitment. The general basis for any relationship and especially for the institution of marriage. Institution. A place of rules; of close chested logics; of 8-4 attitudes – clock in, do work, clock out. So in essence, an institution is a place for routine, but don’t worry we will continue to fool ourselves into thinking that the more institutions we have, the better a society we’ll have. Classic. I stood in the line to pay a bill and in typical Tracy Vision, thoughts and processes are remembered. So our Star’s Fire was given a token of love that she will treasure f...